All the issues that my father has faced over the last year has taken its toll on my mother and family in general. There was a contest for Mother's day that was hosted by a local radio station in which you could nominate a deserving mother for a set of new appliances. I decided to write an email for that contest.
I recently discovered it again and realized that it describes the situation very well. I decided to share it.
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I am about to tell you a story of heartache, pain, perseverance, and strength that will tell you why my mother, Cecilia (Dee) Dawe is the most deserving person.
First of all, my parents came from humble beginnings and always provided for us. They have lived in the same house in Foxtrap for 38 years. Mom was always known for cooking and entertaining family, friends, strangers, and the kitchen was a focal point in our life. Mom came from a simple background and worked in a daycare (Activ-Time) in Topsail for about as long as I can remember. The parents and kids there remember her as Mrs. Dee. I am amazed at how many people light up when they make the connection that my mother was Mrs. Dee. She almost met fatal results from a leg infection in February, 2005 (year of my wedding), when it was discovered she was a Type II diabetic. My Dad took her to the doctor every day and tended on her hand and foot. Making sure she got better. This was a huge task as she already had so much against her physically with poor leg circulation, blood clots, and various blood pressure and joint/feet issues. She always worked and fought through it.
My father worked in Construction all of his life and even though I don't remember my dad being gone long hours, I remember nearly every time he walked through the door. He always hugged us, greeted us with a smile and made Mom laugh. There is not a nail or brushstroke in our house that My dad did not personally do.
My father experienced difficulty that we noticed about December 2009. He began to forget to get mom a gift for her birthday and Christmas, as well as being generally impatient with her. did not suspect anything was wrong, just figured Dad was anticipating retiring and was getting 'antsy' . Throughout the time Mom remained loyal and helpful and tried her best to help dad through whatever troubles he was experiencing.
Parallel to this, my wife and I began to experience our own marital troubles. At that point, our son was 1 and a half years old. Mom was helping us out by, 2.5 days a week, coming to our house and looking after our son, taking him for walks, and doing the general care while we were at work. All while managing dad's issues which were getting worse (although she kept us from a lot of it).
In July 2010, I was called by my father's employer and was told that they had some serious concerns about Dad's cognitive health. I suggested that they keep him from work and we would take him to the doctor. Mom was still supportive and did everything she could for Dad and took dad with her to look after my son during the day. She was now not letting Dad drive, taking on the responsibility herself. Several avenues were explored, ranging from B-12 deficiency to the more sever diagnosis. In August the worst possible diagnosis was made. Alzheimer's. We were devastated. Mom started looking after Dad full time and we adjusted while we hoped some medication would help.
In September 2010, Mom experienced some blood in her urine and bad pain. After two trips to the hospital, one in an Ambulance, it was determined that she needed a scope to see what was causing it. Her doctor put her in right away, seeing she has a family history of cancer and did the examinations. He discovers lesions that was undetermined to be malignant or infectious. This is Cancer Scare #1. Weeks later, he attempts a surgery to remove the lesions for investigation, but discovers they are gone. He decides to order a CT scan anyway just to make sure. It is booked for December.
Nov 04, 2010, my wife and I begin the separation process and I again turn to my family for support. Dad is not able to process it as much, so Mom is burdened with this fact. I then begin bringing my son to her in Foxtrap in the mornings that she would normally be at my house. At this point my Dad is spending his days in Upper Gullies with his brother just helping him around the yard and keeping busy. On Nov 10, 2010 Dad (hid Mother's birthday) gave my son Jack a hug and went to his Brother's. Mom has had ups and downs and decided to make the best of life and said she was making dad Honey Garlic Ribs and Jack and I would have some when I got off of work. This day started out pretty good. He even called Mom over lunch (unusual at this point) to say he was having a good day. It ended the worst in our lives.
I got the call at about 3:00 on Nov 10 2010 ,at work, that my father had been hurt in a fire. He had been in my uncle's shed. They had disconnected all the electricity so that dad could not use any power tools so he was just cleaning up the year and such. We are not sure what happened, but it appears that he had attempted to start a fire in his woodstove and attempted to use a propellent, such as a can of gasoline collected from a lawnmower and somehow caught himself on fire. He got out of his clothes, but not before he had 60% 2nd and 3rd degree burns to his body. I met him at the hospital and spoke to him in the emergency room. It would be last time we would speak for months.
I had to go home and break the news to Mom. I will NEVER forget this day and it will haunt me to my death. She had Jack, my son, in her arms, singing, and the smell of Honey Garlic ribs perforated the house. She saw me come in, greeted me with a big smile and said 'Oh you are home before your Dad'. She saw my face and knew something was definitely wrong. What I said to her next is a bit of a blur, but I tried to help her get dressed and from passing out while my soon to be ex-in-laws came to get Jack. Mom asked me how he was and I said that we spoke. When we got there, dad was already in the induced state and on the respirator. Mom would not talk to him for some time. My brother came home from Manitoba. From this moment forward it was a constant battle. He was not expected to live through the first day. Nor the second. In two weeks he became severely septic and was beginning complete organ failure. We were ushered into the ICU sealed room where we donned out protective gear and observed as his last rites (anointing) were performed.
I watched Mom cry herself to sleep every night and every morning (not to mention throughout most of the day). She had lost her best friend. She spent every waking minute at the ICU, sometimes spending hours sat outside the glass wall. I will not recount the horror we endured as he was undergoing fluid resuscitation, but be aware it was very very difficult. Though all of this she still made time to thank the nursing staff, bring them food, Christmas chocolate and baskets. I was amazed at her ability to continue to think of others the whole time.
Dec 24, Dad opened his eyes. In January was moved from ICU to the 4th floor of the HSC where he continued to progress physically.
One night, mom got a call from the doctor who ordered teh CT scan who said the result of her CT scan showed something on her ovary. She needed to see a Gynecological Oncologist. The next morning at her GP, the GP told her she had Cancer. Cancer Scare #2. We then had to wait five weeks to see the specialist. Needless to say, this was yet another emotional setback for her and us. She had blood tests, and weeks later the Doctor confirmed that she had Cysts but felt it not urgent to deal with seeing all that she knew of our family situation. We felt like we missed another bullet - someone was seemingly out to take shots at our lives, but Mom continued to push through.
She spent a lot of time consoling folks in the ICU bringing THEM food and trying to help them through whatever they were suffering.
Dad continued to recover. Miraculously. He retained all his grafts and is now learning to walk again. Mom travels EVERY day to the hospital to be with dad as he slips away mentally. Alzheimer's is the only disease that makes you miss someone the more you see them. He somehow survived and we have some time left with him as we struggle with long term care decisions and deciding how to finance his care.
Throughout it all, she still holds my son Jack and tells him everything is fine even when he says 'Poppy Graham is sick right now.' I don't know where she summons that strength from. I really have no idea.
My brother and his wife are now expecting a baby and they will be taking over Mom's old house so we can work on putting Mom somewhere more comfortable and new. I am building a house (on land my Dad excavated for me, next to Mom) to place her in a downstairs suite so she can have a new place to live so she is not haunted by so many memories while we get Dad through his final stages. She has very older appliances. The stove is not too old but not all the burners work correctly the dishwasher is quite old. The Fridge is the hardest of them all and needs to be replaced before it fails. The Washer and Dryer will have to remain in the house as it was my Brother's before he moved to Manitoba (and consequently moved back). Add to that her mobility issues make it difficult for her to stoop to the bottom of a fridge, so she needs a bottom freezer unit for sure. She often says, I'd just love to have a new fridge but has no means to do so yet. She really needs some new appliances to brighten her day and perception of life and maybe get back to that happy time in he life before dad got sick, injured, and before her own health issues. She needs to see some brightness and someone to say YOU DESERVE some good. I know she is worth much, much more. I hope you can see it too.
Thank You so much for your consideration. and I hope I can make Mother's Day something special for this special, special woman. I just want her strength to be recognized for what she has been and continues to go through.
Jason Dawe
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